AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
