Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
