I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
