shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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