OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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