please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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