New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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