I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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