Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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