Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
