oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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