Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
