I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
