he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
