This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
