Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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