You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
