Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
