I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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