your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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