Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
