so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize