when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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