Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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