she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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