We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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