Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
