your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize