we're blogging at a bar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
