I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
