That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
