Whatcha textin bout Willis?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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