I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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