you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
