Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
