My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
