Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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