and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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