remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
