Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize