It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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