she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
