she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
