I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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