Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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