Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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