I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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