rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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