I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
