If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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