Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
