Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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