the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize