Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize