Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
