I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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