I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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