this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
