what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
