he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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