I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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