I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
