I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
