Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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