im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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