Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
