You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
vagina is talking i cant
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
