I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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