Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.

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(563): View more from Iowa

smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!

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(904): View more from Florida

I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.

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(310): View more from California

The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.

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(574): View more from Indiana

dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"

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(916): View more from California

I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.

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