I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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