You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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