Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
