Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
