I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
