oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
