just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
