Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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