I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize