I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
