Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
