I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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