he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize