her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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