so that wasnt chicken after all
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
