Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
