I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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